Love never lets you go.
I really, really believe that I have found my soulmate. But nothing worthwhile comes along in life without a catch, or having to work extremely hard to make it happen - or does it?
I consider myself to be a deeply spiritual person. I believe in G-d unequivacolly. But now I catch myself asking all sorts of questions, and now my quiet spiritual content has been thrown into a whirlpool of confusion. Accepting that there is a G-d, I now find myself asking questions that I had not dared approach before. Does s/he really care about each and every individual one of us? After all there are billions of us, and while I believe s/he is Omniscient and Omnipotent, has'nt s/he got better things to do?
But then maybe not. You see I tried to make a deal with G-d. Before I elaborate any further, a nagging memory of what my Grandmother used to tell me keeps popping into my head. She used to say "be careful what you wish for, you might just get it!"
And so I am waiting for the "be careful" bit. As most of you know by now my second marriage has failed. This particular piece is not about that, but rather what has come after.
I usually pray daily. I find a quiet time and place and pray, reflect, thank and ask. Last April while I was watching things crumble around me, I asked G-d every day for a month to please send me my true soulmate. I prayed intently that I would make a deal. I would look actively for the person, and G-d would intervene to make sure we were both in the right place at the right time.
And G-d sent her. Really quickly. One minute I was thinking G-d was really going to make me work for this, and the next - well there she was.
What I had'nt bargained for were the complications I had created, that are now affecting my relationship. I thought G-d was going to take his time, I believed I had time to play with. But no, G-d took me by my word and sent me my soulmate -almost immediately. How many other people get results like this? I don't know too many. So I had asked for something without being specific and had received exactly what I had asked for.
So whats the problem, you may ask? A rollercoaster ride through circumstances that neither of us had any control over has left my new SO parenting my teenage children, while I am away studying at an English University.This was NOT the plan.
I am 300 miles away, while she goes to work, feeds,clothes and loves the kids, keeps the house clean,etc.
I dont think it's fair. But does G-d do fine print and did I fail to read it? What does it say?
I really love Jaye, she's attractive, sexy, really intelligent, funny and gets things done. None of us are perfect, but she fills that void and makes my life just right. When I'm with her my life is perfect.
So here I am wondering, what am I doing? A new relationship cannot be nurtured at this kind of distance especially with demands that are being made on it, such is ours. Should I pack up and go home? There are untold complications to that kind of decision. Yet perhaps they are a test of the true mettle of what we have. Do I stay and complete my degree, and if I do will I risk losing the most beautiful gift G-d has given me in a very long time?
"Sex is a momentary itch. Love never lets you go" - Kingsley Amis
A small discussion on this would be helpful, any ideas?
Ruth, a free range human being and a middle aged mum of three adult children and very young grandmother to two little girls, is a glass artist, and a digital strategist, She retains the right to change her mind about anything and believes in a compassionate approach to most things, you can contact her using the contact page on this blog.
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