Love never lets you go.

Well here we are. I haven't blogged for a very long time, eighteen months, maybe two years, I can't even remember without checking. So for those of you who have suddenly realised I'm back here's why......

I really, really believe that I have found my soulmate. But nothing worthwhile comes along in life without a catch, or having to work extremely hard to make it happen - or does it?

I consider myself to be a deeply spiritual person. I believe in G-d unequivacolly. But now I catch myself asking all sorts of questions, and now my quiet spiritual content has been thrown into a whirlpool of confusion. Accepting that there is a G-d, I now find myself asking questions that I had not dared approach before. Does s/he really care about each and every individual one of us? After all there are billions of us, and while I believe s/he is Omniscient and Omnipotent, has'nt s/he got better things to do?

But then maybe not. You see I tried to make a deal with G-d. Before I elaborate any further, a nagging memory of what my Grandmother used to tell me keeps popping into my head. She used to say "be careful what you wish for, you might just get it!"

And so I am waiting for the "be careful" bit. As most of you know by now my second marriage has failed. This particular piece is not about that, but rather what has come after.

I usually pray daily. I find a quiet time and place and pray, reflect, thank and ask. Last April while I was watching things crumble around me, I asked G-d every day for a month to please send me my true soulmate. I prayed intently that I would make a deal. I would look actively for the person, and G-d would intervene to make sure we were both in the right place at the right time.

And G-d sent her. Really quickly. One minute I was thinking G-d was really going to make me work for this, and the next - well there she was.

What I had'nt bargained for were the complications I had created, that are now affecting my relationship. I thought G-d was going to take his time, I believed I had time to play with. But no, G-d took me by my word and sent me my soulmate -almost immediately. How many other people get results like this? I don't know too many. So I had asked for something without being specific and had received exactly what I had asked for.

So whats the problem, you may ask? A rollercoaster ride through circumstances that neither of us had any control over has left my new SO parenting my teenage children, while I am away studying at an English University.This was NOT the plan.

I am 300 miles away, while she goes to work, feeds,clothes and loves the kids, keeps the house clean,etc.

I dont think it's fair. But does G-d do fine print and did I fail to read it? What does it say?

I really love Jaye, she's attractive, sexy, really intelligent, funny and gets things done. None of us are perfect, but she fills that void and makes my life just right. When I'm with her my life is perfect.

So here I am wondering, what am I doing? A new relationship cannot be nurtured at this kind of distance especially with demands that are being made on it, such is ours. Should I pack up and go home? There are untold complications to that kind of decision. Yet perhaps they are a test of the true mettle of what we have. Do I stay and complete my degree, and if I do will I risk losing the most beautiful gift G-d has given me in a very long time?

"Sex is a momentary itch. Love never lets you go" - Kingsley Amis

A small discussion on this would be helpful, any ideas?

Ruthie Richards-Hill

Ruth, a free range human being and a middle aged mum of three adult children and very young grandmother to two little girls, is a glass artist, and a digital strategist, She retains the right to change her mind about anything and believes in a compassionate approach to most things, you can contact her using the contact page on this blog.

4 comments:

  1. Go with the flow, if this is the right person for you, she will be there when you get back, loving you in return. There is nothing wrong with the choice (I know the Christian bible is against it), I for one fully respect same sex relationships. We all need loving.

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  2. Hey hun, when it comes to the divine I can't advise you.. everyone has their own spiritual journey and I believe they also have find their own answers.
    As for the relationship I fear you may be right. Though talk this through with Jaye as well if you havn't. It's bound to be a hard time and with your degree the stress levels are going to rise.
    Jaye sounds so lovely and I think what ever you decide you'll work things out.
    If I was in your situation I know I'd not be finishing my degree but thats the kind of person I am, my heart rules my head.. I'm sure in time you can re-do your degree if you want to, but maybe its best to strengthen the home first?
    All the best to you all xXx

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  4. I may be far too simplistic here, and of course I don't know all the detail of your journey to Uni, but for me family comes first, Jaye is now your family, and as you say, new relationships need nurturing.
    If you give up Uni, will it damage your career and/or finances? Can you get back to this course at another time?
    If you continue a long term relationship, will it damage or hinder the relationship? Can you get back to this relationship at another time?
    Make a pros and cons list and get your priorities right.

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